APRIL 2001

The Zuripatron Way of Learning
Hubble's recent discovery of another planet in our universe has wide spread interest among the folks of this third rock spinning out of control around "ol sol." The fact that there is intelligent life on Zuripatron is significant. Finally, one spot where this rare phenomenon occurs. Also of interest, Zuripatrons walk and talk and, yes, play golf.

Now, therein lie the similarities but the approach to these activities is VERY dissimilar. Here is how it works on our newly discovered planet and hopefully there are many lessons to be learned. There should be reason for outrage among golfers as the story unfolds.

On Zuripatron, EVERYONE plays golf. Babies watch their parents swing the golf club and they mimic this motion. The parents do nothing to try to explain the different parts or particulars of their swing but simply allow the little rascals (baby Zuripatrons) to watch and copy. As a result, their swings are full, smooth, beautiful, fast, effective, and a pleasure to watch and own.

Now, the bad news. A group of opportunists got together and devised a scheme to extrapolate money from Zuripatronites by convincing them that walking and talking are, indeed, very difficult tasks. Schools were set up to "teach" Zuripatronagers. The more complicated and complex the information, the more money these schools made.

I was able to procure a training manual on walking and one on talking. These manuals explain that you MUST know EVERY ASPECT of walking and talking before you can ever hope to accomplish these feats of grandeur. Very similar to the manner in which most, if not all, golf "pros" on this planet go about passing their extensive knowledge of the mechanics of the golf swing.

The Walking Manual explains that one MUST know the muscles of the legs and how they work in moving the bones from location A to location B while at the same time not falling down a lot. It reads, in part, as follows:

Walking involves the coordinated synchronization of the vastas internas, vastas externas, bicep femurous, and gastrocnemus muscles of the farlimunimousyzhts (legs). One must stand and flex these muscles to the correct degree of contractness to maintain this standing stance. It is suggested that you flex the vastus internes 41%, the vastas externas 37%, the bicep femurous 51%, after you have relaxed the vastas internas to 12%, and the gastrocnimus 78%, after you have relaxed the vastas externas to 15%.

The manual continues:
In order to gitahgoin (move or going from where you are now standing to someplace else) you must muster the courage to FALL FORWARD! At this VERY moment you must lift your farlimunimousyzht (leg) by flexing the bicep femorous and then extending your farlimunimousyzht (leg) by immediately contracting your vastas internas and vastas externas muscles precisely at the same time. Just as you land on the other farlimunimousyzht (leg) you must repeat this process, only backward this time.

Now, did I mention that this must be done on a tight rope over a canyon? Falling to ones death makes learning this task a tad bit more nerve-wracking. For this reason, Zuripatrons have a walk that is artificial, hesitant, awkward, jerky, making it difficult to enjoy a casual walk on the athuratloopitm (beach). No time to cover the Talking Manual but the information is the same; jaw and tongue and lip movement sync and details that would drive the Pope nuts.

These opportunists make a great deal of money by convincing these people that this is the ONLY way to learn these very illusive forms of communication and transporting of oneself. On Earth, as you may be aware, the process is reversed.

There, some entrepreneurs have convinced Earthlings that the golf swing is some complex magical wizardry. If YOU wanted to get these secrets you would need to read books, take lots of lessons, and buy expensive equipment.

Additionally, you would be required to begin by trying to hit a golf ball BEFORE you learned to swing. Remember above when the Zuripatronites had to walk on a tight rope while they were TRYING to learn how to walk.

There is presently a group of people writing a manual on how to ride a bike. So far, they have some bugs to work out. It seems that after people read the manual, they keep getting their feet caught in the spokes.

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To learn more about Jim's simple approach to learning your best golf swing in the shortest period of time visit his site at www.mcgolf.com

See for Yourself! Jim McLellan has golf's PERFECT swing. He will give you your best swing in less than 2 hours. Practice exactly what you see on the video for 1 hour and 15 minutes. Never try to hit a golf ball until your swing is second nature. McGOLF is effective, simple, and down to earth.

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JIM MCLELLAN

Introduced to golf in 1948 at age 8, Jim quickly became known as the "Whiz Kid" with an incredible swing and a gifted ability to instruct. At age 15, students came to him at his family owned golf course from four surrounding states.

Weighing in at 110 pounds at age 15, Jim could hit the ball over 300 yards. He owned 2 course records, was the golf star on the high school team, Junior State Tournament medalist, one of the top four Colorado golfers to play in the International JCS tournament in Columbus Ohio, and a low qualifier for National Jr. Amatuer.

Attended Arizona State University at Tempe on a golf scholarship and graduated from the PGA Golf School in Long Beach California in 1960.

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